help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
