I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
