Just fell off a train. Bad.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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