i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
