I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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