He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
