my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
