last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
