i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
