ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
