I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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