'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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