if we break up, who will get the dealer?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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