hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
