I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
