Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
