Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
