i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
