there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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