Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
