put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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