I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
