your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize