never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
