im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So. Much. Porn.
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