My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
