After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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