What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have post one night stand depression
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