Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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