I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
