dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
