Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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