god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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