just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
