some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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