I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
