My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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