Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
