So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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