I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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