Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
