I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
