There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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