i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
