Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
