He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
