I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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