You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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