I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
