first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
