What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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