3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize