I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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