My balls are so social today.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
