Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
