stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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