Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
