Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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