just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
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the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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