Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
