His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
