Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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