rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
