yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
